Loving Yourself and Your Business for the Long Haul
Through centuries of tradition and meaning, February became connected to love – a reminder that real love is something that develops and deepens over time. And because this month is a handy temporal love landmark, this seems a perfect time to explore…
What does it mean to love yourself and your business, for the long haul?
Love is what it’s all about, when you get down to it. It creates meaning, shares wisdom, and makes your efforts meaningful. It amplifies your successes, and nurtures your sorrows.
It whispers quietly: you’ve got this, you’re not alone.
When I started my own business, no one told me about the importance of love.
Like how if I don’t love myself, it’s reflected in a lack of business growth and depth, and eats away at my confidence and keeps me playing small. And if I don’t love my business, my love of self diminishes, and I feel like I’m selling myself short by not living into all I know is possible. It’s a vicious cycle, one I lived when I first started out; yet once I understood what was happening, I began to build love into everything I do, and things got a whole lot easier.
My self-love journey started in college, when a friend helped me realize there was such a thing. I was living the way I suspect many of us do, lost in my own head – doing my best to keep up with life’s demands and figure out what to do with myself after graduation. I felt determined, but also scared and frankly, lost.
My friend introduced me to meditation, and the idea that getting to know myself on a deeper level was a journey worth embarking on. I started journaling, reading, and talking to others on a similar self-discovery path… becoming present to the subtleties of life, and understanding myself better, changed everything and set me on a trajectory I’m still on today.
What do I mean by self-love?
It’s showing kindness, compassion, and appreciation for those things that are uniquely me. It’s allowing myself to follow my own direction, rather than trying to follow someone else’s prescription of how life and work are supposed to look. It’s taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and feeding my curiosity by exploring both my inner and outer world. And it’s being my true self, letting go of any sense of pretending or being afraid of who I really am. It feels like coming home to myself, more intimate, more real.
I feel like I’m on a quest to discover new possibilities about myself and life, and tune into – and follow – my inner guidance.
Learning to love myself has been an exploration of courage, permission giving, and expansion. The more love I have for myself, and the more I’m able to love others, and let the true me shine. It reminds me that we’re all doing the best we can with our Monkey Minds and our Hero’s Hearts – and sometimes they don’t play very nice with each other. Nonetheless, we persist.
This quote from Anne Lamott demonstrates the power of becoming yourself, and the graciousness of love that comes with that knowledge.
We begin to find and become ourselves when we notice how we are already found, already truly, entirely, wildly, messily, marvelously who we were born to be…
Here’s how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake’s line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love.
What does this have to do with love for my business, you may be asking?
After college, I got a job and settled in to working life as many of us do. I was headed in a direction that I thought made sense, yet after several years I was feeling like there was something I’d enjoy more… if I could only figure out what that was.
I’d thought about working for myself, but didn’t have a clue what I would do, so I bought a book about how to start a business. It turned out to be extremely tactical, and it left me feeling defeated: I don’t think that way, and the book sat on my shelf unused for years. It took me a decade to figure out what my own thing would be, and when I launched my business it (thankfully) didn’t look anything like what that book had recommended.
I now know that this is common – to have an inkling that you want to do something for yourself, but not know what that is, or how to begin. I’ve also learned that’s OK; sometimes an inkling is more than enough to get you started.
I’ve seen it over and over in my business, and with the clients I’ve worked with – a vague notion that turns into something real. I remember sitting at my desk at my last joby-job, dreaming about what else I might do, and jotting down ideas in my tiny reporter’s notebook. The idea of starting my own thing turned out to be a conversation that wouldn’t go away, and those half-baked thoughts are exactly what I do today.
I want a job that’s not necessarily 40 hours a week. It helps people, makes a difference, and gives me lots of free time. With my free time I’ll exercise, and go to out lunch.
(It turns out I don’t like going out to lunch – who knew??)
Imagine not giving up on your inner voice no matter how cuckoo it sounds, even when you don’t know how you’re going to pull it off, and you don’t have a lot of evidence it’ll work… others around you thinking you’re nuts to leave a perfectly reasonable job, and dive into an unknown sea. How will you stay tethered and secure they say, your negative inner voice echoing their concern.
This leap of faith is the ultimate statement of love: it means letting your business call you forward in surprising ways, trusting yourself to grow into your presence. The more you take a chance on yourself, the more you take a chance on your business, too. What if even this is love?
Love’s magic is in the small, quiet ways it shows up in everyday life – in how you treat yourself, care for your business, and move through life.
Love isn’t necessarily one big, sweeping thing so much as a handful of gentle practices to return to, softening and framing what you value, and how you show up. When I give myself permission to lean into the practices listed below, love becomes something I can live inside of, rather than an abstract concept – something that defines my days, and shapes my goals and dreams.
Love is compassionate.
Compassion is love in action. It’s easy to offer compassion to others, yet what if you offered it to yourself and your business just as generously? It assumes positive intent, championing you, wanting you to bring your best forward for the benefit of everyone. It makes a difference in the life of your business, and the lives of everyone you touch. Imagine all that goodness radiating in and through you, and the positive impact that has on the world.
Compassion is knowing when to keep going, when to adjust, when to rest, when to reset. It’s respecting your limits and boundaries, doing what you do best, and leaving the rest to others. It’s keeping yourself healthy and strong, caring for yourself and your business in big and small ways, working at realistic capacity rather than from a more is better place.
It’s listening to the voice inside your head, the one that won’t go away, and honoring what it’s telling you. It’s pacing, letting your energy – not your ambition or to-do list – set the rhythm of your days. Compassion is not indulgence: it’s designing life and work that don’t require going beyond what’s best for you, and instead working within what’s most natural, and flowing from there.
Love hangs in there.
You may not always be aware of it, but love is by your side, guiding and supporting you. It hangs in there when things feel hard, and celebrates when things go well. It’s thoughtful and kind, doing those little things that make everything feel nice.
It believes in you – even when things seem foggy, scary, or uncertain, and you don’t know which way is up, love is a companion who has your back. It listens, paying attention to what you need, and doesn’t give up just because things get a bit uncomfortable. As with any relationship, your connection with love grows deeper with attention and nurturing.
Loving yourself means knowing how to stay present when things change (because they always do).
Loving your business means knowing how to stay together through seasons of drought and plenty (and the evolution that makes business fun).
Love doesn’t mean feeling good all the time – it means being present for all of it, no matter what.
Love calls you forth.
Love beckons you deeper, wanting to know the real you, and celebrate who you are.
It wants you and your business to be the best you’re capable of – not in a all or nothing kind of way, but in a quietly encouraging you’ve got this, keep going kind of way.
Love is telling the truth about you, and your business. The more you know the better – even if you don’t always like what you see. Because knowledge is power, this is an incredibly courageous and loving act.
Love supports your growth, revealing a path you likely never saw coming, beckoning you to go further. This is a mature kind of love, one for the ages, helping you build a solid foundation of self and business that will go the distance. It reveals you to yourself: it sees you, and knows your heart.
Love is enough.
Enoughness is the tide that lifts all boats, providing sufficiency and resonance. It’s releasing the chase, and trusting what’s already here. It’s knowing that who you are, and what your business brings to the world, are more than good enough.
In a world that teaches that optimization and scale are musts, enoughness is a radical stance. It’s choosing self-trust in knowing what’s best for you, and playing by your own rules. It’s knowing that sometimes less is more, and your worth comes from who you’re being, what you stand for, and what you value and that your worthiness is impressive.
When your work is rooted in love, you stop building from fear. You stop chasing validation, trends, or someone else’s definition of success, and lean into what enough means to you. Enoughness becomes a strategy — not for doing less, but for doing what matters, with integrity and care. It steadies you, and sustains you. Love reminds you that enough has always been the end point.
Reflecting on your relationship with love, where do you stand?
Maybe you’re like me, and it’s taken you years to realize what love really means, and embrace it in all its forms. Or maybe you were fortunate enough to know love early on, and have enjoyed its richness all along.
What if, just what if, love is actually all that matters? What would you do to nurture it, and as William Blake said, learn to endure the beams of love?
This is the question I am living into in my life and my business — and I invite you to join me in the exploration to see just how good it can be.
